Desiinvidesh's Blog

Archive for June 2010

 I work as Project Management Specialist for an Oil & Gas company. This is what gives me money to pay my bills. The idea for most people who  work like me and make decent money is  that either you make your work , work life or after work life  so interesting that it keeps you going.

As far as work is concerned,  I think making your work interesting is not in hands of majority of people. You do get stuck into the path you had chosen a  few years ago. The work is no longer interesting but it gives good money and you don’ t want to compromise on that front. So you continue doing what you do best not necessarily enjoying . Some small percentage of people are lucky who do enjoy what gives them  their livelihood. I would just leave it at – that they are lucky and I am not so. Frankly I don’t even know what I would enjoy in terms of my profession.

So there is second breed for whom the work is not interesting but work life is. What I mean by work life is that you have a good friends network at your workplace. You are going for lunch or coffee with them. Sharing office politics and generally having good time.

And last breed is where your work and work life sucks but your personal life make it bearable. You have a comfortable relationship with your family. You get all your fun , support and happiness from them and the whole work hours are bearable because at the end you get to go home and enjoy.

Have you analysed which category do you fall into. For me I don’t fall into any. My work, work life and after work life all suck.  Having my son in my life is what gives me energy to go to work and come back home. I live my life through his activities and schedule. In between I throw in some movies or get together with friends .But there is this deep dissatisfaction that stems from not having any other meaningful, solid relationship except with my son. 

I am wondering if  there are  people who were/are in similar situation. Any suggestions to make my life more meaningful and interesting.

May be this is phase and it will pass too and I pray to god everyday that it does.

I started this blog in August last year and so much has happened since then. I did not update this blog not because I did not have anything to say but that I had so much conflicting thoughts in my mind and I thought I would like to have clarity instead of  laying  my life in all confused maze like form. I read so many blogs mostly of indian women and have found that they do encounter instability or confusion over some matters while some other matters are very straight forward to them. I however have dealt my last  several years of existence with so much of an identity crisis. I undestand what people lay out of their blogs is not complete representation of their lives  and it is what they wish to share with the world .

I have returned to blogsphere now not because there has been any profound changes in my life. On the contary , the issues have jumbled up even more. And sad realization that the kind of clarity I am trying to find will always remain elusive and that I have to find a way to live my life one day at a time and that  I have to become self reliant and accept that sometimes accepting your fate is the best thing you can do than fighting it all the time.It is emotionally exhausting and not worth at all.

In the end I will quote something that I read somewhere and has struck with me ever since.

“Everything is OK in the end and if it is not OK, it is not the end.”

This quote gives me hope and I am so looking forward to “OK” whatever that is.



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