Desiinvidesh's Blog

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Now I am back again and reflecting at beautiful time spent together, where you were my mother, my child, my friend, my ally and my counselor at different times all packaged neatly in your tiny frame. I got to see your beautiful vulnerable heart that is so strong and so accommodating, so sacrificing and so generous, so full of doubts yet hopeful.

It is true they say that life is in moments, moments spent with people who understand you, love you unconditionally despite all your faults and misgivings. I found that love with you. And it did not stop there, I found support, I found courage, I found fun and I found mischief and I found intelligence and humility and spark of life. Know that there has not been single moment of pretense while I was with you, with you it seemed like I found myself that was long lost. But holding on to it will need efforts and I am going to make efforts in that direction.

If you have any belief in what I say, know that you are smart and intelligent and intuitive, you have wonderful quality of speaking your mind in gentlest way and knowing when not to speak and when to hold. You are sensitive, tender and compassionate and see the same in others despite their various exteriors. Don’t ever change yourself, don’t compare yourself with others, don’t underestimate yourself and above all, hold onto your true self.

And remember asking for help is not sign of weakness, it is sign of strength, it is sign of your belief in someone’s capacity to help you, it is sign of your love to extend this opportunity or gift to your loved ones. So don’t beat yourself, share your struggles and be open about what you are going through. We all can do so much more than what we can do alone.

My lil sister, you are truly unique and there is a lot that I can learn from you. Hope that our first trip is just the start of many many more in future where we get to see the many amazing things, share love and acceptance and have wonderful time and make tonnes of beautiful memories. Love you lots.

 

I started this blog in August last year and so much has happened since then. I did not update this blog not because I did not have anything to say but that I had so much conflicting thoughts in my mind and I thought I would like to have clarity instead of  laying  my life in all confused maze like form. I read so many blogs mostly of indian women and have found that they do encounter instability or confusion over some matters while some other matters are very straight forward to them. I however have dealt my last  several years of existence with so much of an identity crisis. I undestand what people lay out of their blogs is not complete representation of their lives  and it is what they wish to share with the world .

I have returned to blogsphere now not because there has been any profound changes in my life. On the contary , the issues have jumbled up even more. And sad realization that the kind of clarity I am trying to find will always remain elusive and that I have to find a way to live my life one day at a time and that  I have to become self reliant and accept that sometimes accepting your fate is the best thing you can do than fighting it all the time.It is emotionally exhausting and not worth at all.

In the end I will quote something that I read somewhere and has struck with me ever since.

“Everything is OK in the end and if it is not OK, it is not the end.”

This quote gives me hope and I am so looking forward to “OK” whatever that is.



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